Your 2017 Horse Lords
LOOKIN AT LEE
ODDS: 20-1
JOCKEY: Scubbledick Tublawyer
HOMETOWN: Horse Island
FUN FACT: Ate an entire jar of jam in one sitting!
THUNDER SNOW
ODDS: 20-1
JOCKEY: Brumpo Tungus
HOMETOWN: Your dad's grave
FUN FACT: Joined Get in Shape for Women to get in shape for women.
FAST AND ACCURATE
ODDS: 50-1
JOCKEY: Flub Gubblestuff
HOMETOWN: Horse Heaven
FUN FACT: Fast and accurate only when it comes to winking.
UNTRAPPED
ODDS: 30-1
JOCKEY: Strimp Pimpswaller
HOMETOWN: Valley of the Horses
FUN FACT: Went clear.
ALWAYS DREAMING
ODDS: 5-1
JOCKEY: Jump Tigpickle
HOMETOWN: Oksana, Baiul
FUN FACT: Really puts the NEIGH in “I accidentally shot my neighbor.”
STATE OF HONOR
ODDS: 30-1
JOCKEY: Plap Blabs
HOMETOWN: The Wide Horse Sea
FUN FACT: Lorena Bobbitt did her nails for junior AND senior prom!
GIRVIN
ODDS: 15-1
JOCKEY: Farty Buttlard
HOMETOWN: Horse Desert
FUN FACT: Was taken by the HDMI cable.
HENCE
ODDS: 15-1
JOCKEY: Barfbag McFartshirt
HOMETOWN: The Horse Kingdom Under the Sea
FUN FACT: Hates polo, but has polio!
IRAP
ODDS: 20-1
JOCKEY: Scrumpy Scrimperelli
HOMETOWN: Danvers, Massachusetts
FUN FACT: Contacted UFOs to help him finally beat the Turbo Tunnel level of Battletoads.
GUNNEVERA
ODDS: 15-1
JOCKEY: Pringle Duckfather
HOMETOWN: Right behind you
FUN FACT: Did the Dew.
BATTLE OF MIDWAY
ODDS: 30-1
JOCKEY: Luggershed Pugsmeller
HOMETOWN: Horse River
FUN FACT: Is actually two smaller horses in disguise.
SONNETEER
ODDS: 50-1
JOCKEY: Tiny Chunglefeather
HOMETOWN: Your mom's house. You know, the one she sits around.
FUN FACT: Had an Ayn Rand phase in high school.
J BOYS ECHO
ODDS: 20-1
JOCKEY: Wurddington Chaps
HOMETOWN: Moon
FUN FACT: Mainstream (FAKE) media refuses to state his long list of achievements, including 28 legislative signings, strong borders & great optimism!
CLASSIC EMPIRE
ODDS: 4-1
JOCKEY: Chillbaby Drunkfather
HOMETOWN: Red Horse Square, Moscow
FUN FACT: Played Larry Skywalker in “Larry Skywalker and That Weird Bear”
McCRACKEN
ODDS: 5-1
JOCKEY: Carl Carlsjunior
HOMETOWN: The Hoarse Horse Tavern
FUN FACT: Jon Be-neigh Ramsey impersonator.
TAPWRIT
ODDS: 20-1
JOCKEY: Cankles O'Hufferslug
HOMETOWN: That creepy barn
FUN FACT: Only exists on the Dark web.
IRISH WAR CRY
ODDS: 6-1
JOCKEY: Pimby Pooppops
HOMETOWN: Elmer's Glue Factory
FUN FACT: Started an urban dating service called Thugs N Kisses.
GORMLEY
ODDS: 15-1
JOCKEY: Munglord Yurpo
HOMETOWN: Horse Mountain
FUN FACT: Draws dongs in pretentious people's notebooks at bars.
PRACTICAL JOKE
ODDS: 20-1
JOCKEY: Twinklespot Jiffyloob
HOMETOWN: Horsetown, USA
FUN FACT: Pronounces it “cue-pon.”
PATCH
ODDS: 20-1
JOCKEY: Pog Derples
HOMETOWN: The beach, bro
FUN FACT: Only has one stupid eye.